Stuart Lyrics
You know what, Stuart?
I like you
You're not like the other people here, in the trailer park
Oh, don't go get me wrong
They're fine people, they're good Americans
But they're content to sit back
Maybe watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57
Maybe kick back a cool Coors 16-ouncer
They're good, fine people, Stuart
But they don't know
What the queers are doing to the soil
You know that Jonny Wurster kid?
The kid that delivers papers in the neighborhood?
He's a fine kid
Some of the neighbors say he smokes crack, but I don't believe it
Anyway, for his tenth birthday, all he wanted was a burrow owl
Kept bugging his old man
Dad, get me a burrow owl
I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live
So the guy breaks down and buys him a burrow owl
Anyway, 10:30 the other night
I go out in my yard
And there's the Wurster kid, looking up in the tree
I say
"What are you looking for?"
He says
"I'm looking for my burrow owl"
I say
"Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick!!"
Everybody knows the burrow owl lives in a hole in the ground!
Why the hell do you think they call it a burrow owl, anyway?
Now Stuart, do you think a kid like that is going to know
What the queers are doing to the soil?
I first became aware of all this about ten years ago
The summer my oldest boy, Bill Jr, died
You know that carnival comes into town every year?
Well this year they came through with a ride called The Mixer
The man said
"Keep your head and arms inside The Mixer at all times"
https://www.elyricsworld.com/stuart_lyrics_the_dead_milkmen.html
But Bill Jr, he was a daredevil
Just like his old man
He was leaning out saying
"Hey everybody, look at me! Look at me!"
POW! He was decapitated!
They found his head over by the snow cone concession!
A few days after that, I open up the mail
And there's a pamphlet in there
From Pueblo, Colorado
And it's addressed to Bill Jr
And it's entitled
"Do you know what the queers are doing to our soil?"
Now Stuart
If you look at the soil around any large US city
With a big underground homosexual population
Des Moines Iowa, for example
Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart
You can't build on it
You can't grow anything in it
The government says it's due to poor farming
But I know what's really going on Stuart
I know it's the queers
They're in it with the aliens
They're building landing strips for gay Martians
I swear to God
You know what, Stuart?
I like you
You're not like the other people, here in the trailer park
