Actual Cannibal Dave Strider Lyrics
You're walking in the woods
There's no one around
And your phone is dead
Out of the corner of your eye you spot him
Dave Strider
He's following you
About 30 feet back
He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint
He's gaining on you
Dave Strider
You're looking for your car
But you're all turned around
He's almost upon you now
And you can see there's blood on his face!
My god, there's blood everywhere!
Running for your life
(From Dave Strider.)
He's brandishing a knife
(It's Dave Strider.)
Lurking in the shadows
Hollywood superstar Dave Strider
Living in the woods
(Dave Strider.)
Killing for sport
(Dave Strider.)
Eating all the bodies
Actual, cannibal Dave Strider
Now it's dark and you seem to have lost him
But you're hopelessly lost yourself
Stranded with a murderer
You creep silently through the underbrush
A-ha! In the distance
A small cottage with a light on
Hope!
You move stealthily toward it
But your leg! AH! It's caught in a bear trap!
Gnawing off your leg
(Quiet, quiet.)
Limping toward the cottage
(Quiet, quiet.)
Now you're on the doorstep
Sitting inside, Dave Strider
Sharpening an ax
(Dave Strider.)
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But he doesn't hear you enter
(Dave Strider.)
You're sneaking up behind him
Strangling superstar Dave Strider
Fighting for your life with Dave Strider
Wrestling a knife from Dave Strider
Stab it in his kidney
Safe at last from Dave Strider
You limp into the dark woods
Blood oozing from your stump leg
But you have won
You have beaten Dave Strider
Wait! He isn't dead! Strider Surprise!
There's a gun to your head, and death in his eyes
But you can do Jiu Jitsu
Body Slam superstar Dave Strider
Legendary fight with Dave Strider
Normal Tuesday night for Dave Strider
You try to swing an axe at Dave Strider
But blood is draining fast from your stump leg
He's dodging every swipe, he parries to the left
You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck
You're chopping off his head now
You have just decapitated Dave Strider
His head topples to the floor, expressionless
You fall to your knees and catch your breath
You're finally safe from Dave Strider
