Astronaut Lyrics
I know what you're all wondering
Have Tripod ever been to Japan?
You're ignoring a much bigger question
Why don't the Japanese have a space program?
Why aren't there any Japanese astronauts?
Have you ever seen a Japanese astronaut?
I'll tell you why you haven't seen one
I'll tell you why
Because you can't do...
A Japanese tea ceremony when you're an astronaut
It's those damn fat gloves (Fat gloves)
And you can't do... (You can't do...)
A Japanese tea ceremony when you're in zero grav
'Cause the tea goes everywhere (The tea goes everywhere)
Japanese culture has always fasinated me
From their traditions to their modern way of life
But all their elegance and rich history
Doesn't sit well with my interest in space
Because you can't carry out...
A ninja-style assassination dressed as an astronaut
It's the luminous fabric (You're too visible)
And they don't let you... (Oo-ooo)
Use a samurai sword when your an astronaut
You might puncture the suit
You might depressurize, like a Gremlin in a microwave
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But it's those damn fat gloves (Fat gloves...)
They're the main problem
You can't nurture your Tamagotchi (Fat gloves...)
You can't make an origami swan
And have you ever tried getting a used panty vending machine into a space shuttle?
Well, I've tried
They don't let you
F------ NASA red tape
I couldn't reconcile the two things that I loved
So I threw away my dreams of outerspace
I had to find myself a whole new job
Maybe in the sports arena I would find a place
But you can't do...
A Japanese tea ceremony when you're a boxing champ
It's those damn fat gloves again (Fat gloves again)
Those confounded coffee mints
Go right in front of my face
Every night and day
I'm haunted by fat gloves (Fat, fat...)
You can't drink sake
You can't do bukkake
Or ride a Kawasaki
When you're an astronaut
And they don't let you be an astronaut on Japanese telly
'Cause you're not enough of a red herring
