How to Beat a Monkey at Chess: THE MUSICAL Lyrics
[Markiplier]
This piece takes that piece, but that piece then takes mine...
I can't lose my rook while I'm lagging way behind!
I'll play safe and wait for an opportunity...
I won't let that cheeky monkey make a monkey out of me!
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
You gotta be kidding me
[MatPat] *Spoken*
Hey, Mark! What you up to?
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
I'm uh-
[MatPat] *Spoken*
Chess with a monkey, huh?
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
Yeah
[MatPat] *Spoken*
Need any help?
[Markiplier]*Spoken*
I think I can beat, one little monkey
How much time you got?
[MatPat] *Spoken*
Well, lucky for you, your old pal MatPat just so happened to be the captain of his high school chess team
They used to call me the PAWN-Star
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
Uh...
[MatPat] *Spoken*
Yep
[MatPat]
Wait, Mark! Don't take it! That monkey's set a trap!
[Markiplier]
He wants me to take it?
[MatPat]
He thinks you're quite a sap
But check out this Bishop! You'll take his piece for free!
[Markiplier]
And that monkey's got no chance to make a monkey out of me!
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
Smartest show in gaming, huh?
[MatPat] *Spoken*
Hey! It was just a theory
[The Completionist]*Spoken*
Alright kids, playtime is over!
[MatPat] *Spoken*
Is that The Completionist?
[The Completionist] *Spoken*
In the beard!
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
Look guys, I think I got this, okay?
[The Completionist] *Spoken*
You do now
[The Completionist]
Let's set a gambit! We'll take him by surprise...
[MatPat]
Not really an option...
[Markiplier]
He took, like, half my guys...
[The Completionist]
Let's bring in the big guns and force his King to flee-
[Markiplier]
-so that monkey doesn't further make a monkey out of me!
[The Completionist] *Spoken*
Welp. That's all I got
[MatPat] *Spoken*
What?!
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
But you're The COMPLETIONIST
[The Completionist] *Spoken*
Yeah, and I'm completely lousy at chess
[MatPat] *Spoken*
Maybe we should just let the monkey win
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
No, that's okay, I appreciate it
But I really, TRULY, do not need anyone's help
[AJ] *Spoken*
Help?! Did somebody need help?
[MatPat] *Spoken*
Who is that?
[AJ] *Spoken*
Hey J. I'm AJ-
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
No-one important
[AJ] *Spoken*
Oh sweet, is that a monkey?
[The Completionist] *Spoken*
No, it's a hairy octopus
[AJ] *Spoken*
Oh you guys, I can translate!
I'm fluent in monkey!
[MatPat] *Spoken*
Okay, I'm pretty sure that's impossible
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
No no, you know what? Sure. Fine. Why don't we try it?
Go ahead
[AJ]
(Monkey noises) Hello a Monkey! I talk in language well. Are playing a chess you? Your skill is very swell. My win wants to friend you, so loser will you be!
[MatPat] *Spoken*
I'm pretty sure it's our turn
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
Look, gentlemen. We're here gathered today as representatives of humanity, against a MONKEY
How long have we been oppressed?
[MatPat] *Spoken*
Two minutes, forty-one seconds?
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
No more. No longer, we've been under the monkey's thumb for too long. We can BEAT this monkey. For our fathers. For our forefathers. For your beard. For his not-beard. For whatever you're name is. A billion monkeys at a typewriter might be able to write Shakespeare but one monkey will not beat us today. I may ramble and not know what I'm talking about all the time, but we can WIN. Together as one
[All] *Spoken*
YEAH!!!
[MatPat]
One of these pieces...
[AJ]
https://www.elyricsworld.com/how_to_beat_a_monkey_at_chess:_the_musical_lyrics_random_encounters.html
...has got to do the trick...
[The Completionist]
But how can we beat him?
[Markiplier]
I'd recommend a stick...
[AJ]
It's crazy...
[MatPat]
Bananas-
[The Completionist]
Insane!
[Markiplier]
Completely nuts...!
[The Completionist]
-but I think we made a monkey out of-
[MatPat]
-completely made a monkey out of-
[AJ]
We finally didn't let a monkey
[All]
Make a monkey out of us!
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
Checkmate!
[All] *Spoken*
YEAH!
[Markiplier] *Spoken*
Sore loser
[Ryan] *Spoken*
Wow! Chess seems pretty intense
[Daniel] *Spoken*
No kidding
What?!
Three in a row?
[Ryan] *Spoken*
Son of a-
[Brightly the dog]
(Whimper)
[Ryan] *Spoken*
I was... gonna say gun
[Daniel] *Spoken*
Okay, you know what?
Let's try this again
Best out of twelve
